I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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