i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
