The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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