Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
