i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
