I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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