That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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