Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
