he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
