Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
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Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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