I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
