I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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