mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
