Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
