OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
