so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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