i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
