Are we in a gay sports bar?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
