i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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