I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
