I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
