I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
