You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
