My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize