well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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