if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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