If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize