Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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