I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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