We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize