my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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