now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
