porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
