am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
