Soap is not a condiment
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
