Who did Billy Mays play for?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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