maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.