I'm lost and stupid without you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
