dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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