okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
