New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
His nipple licking is glorious
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