Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
