Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just had sex bonerless
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
