roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
