Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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