**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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