My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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