I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He shit in the fireplace
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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