After last night, I could never be a politician.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
