I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
