Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
