I wish I could teleport
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
