I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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