so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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