I heard we made out
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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