You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
