A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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