you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
