The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
