I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
