im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
