Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
