she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
