I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I AM VODKA MAN
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
