I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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