never play flip cup with pint glasses
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
