So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
