Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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