I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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