I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
