i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
