bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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