R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
