I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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