You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
