omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
