she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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