i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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