ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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