bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
