dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
